I Was Terrified, So I Waited
So many of my friends had kids way before I was ever even entertaining the thought of having a baby.
I had heard over and over how much kids change your life and how much time they take and, to be honest,
I loved being able to nap and read and binge watch TV on a Sunday if I felt like it.
I loved my freedom, my alone time, and what I loved more than anything was to have as much time as I wanted to run my business.
I was often asked if or when I would have kids. Sometimes I would joke that I was a workaholic and I didn’t want a baby to take away from that. Several times I was told not to worry because my priorities would change and I wouldn’t want to work as much. But here’s the thing.
I didn’t want to not want to work as much.
I LOVE what I do and I definitely didn’t want to scale back on this amazing business that I worked so hard to create. So when people said things like that to me, it went into the “why we shouldn’t have a baby yet” compartment in my brain. I became terrified to have kids.
The problem with continuing to wait was my body. I was 38 years old and I knew that the longer we waited, the less chance I would have to get pregnant. It got to the point where, if we wanted to have kids, we couldn’t put it off any longer.
So, we decided it was time to go for it. I had our son, Van, at age 39 and our son, Dre, at age 41 (you can read about how I announced my first pregnancy and then had a miscarriage HERE).
Has life changed after kids? Of course, it has. We have these two amazing little beings to love and take care of. To laugh with and snuggle with and to help navigate the world.
But, it’s such a strange thing because, as much as life has changed, life really is still business as usual.
Yes, we have to plan in advance all the time. There is no more random napping on Sunday and taking a last minute weekend getaway just me and Dan.
But, the crazy thing is that my business has grown more than ever in the years since I had the boys.
I definitely work just as much, but I’m so much more strategic with my time and I have created systems and boundaries to help with this.
We continue to do the things we loved to do before we had kids. Dan and I make it a point to ensure that we both get time to do the things that bring us joy when we aren’t being mom & dad.
For Dan? It’s usually time in the woods digging/riding BMX dirt jumps. For me? I love time by myself to “recharge”, for lack of a better word. Maybe that is going out to eat by myself or to a movie or even just laying in bed reading for a few hours.
No, Dan does not get to ride his bike as often and I don’t get to go out for wine dates with my girlfriends as much. But, we are okay with that because we love spending time with our boys and we have worked to have such a great balance with everything.
Dan and I had several conversations about how our life with our kids is going to be what we make it. Of course, there are some incredibly hard days where we both are exhausted and crabby.
And, since we have no family or support with them in Seattle, we don’t get to go on dates as much or just hang out the two of us as much. But, we get really creative with how we do make the time for ourselves and we remind each other that they are only this little once.
And that we are in the thick of it right now and it’s normal to feel stretched to the max sometimes.
To those of you out there who aren’t sure about having a baby because you are worried about the things I was scared of, please know that you still can do the things you did before. You still can have that successful business. You still can be the person you were before kids….just altered in a pretty amazing way.
To those of you who do have kids and are really struggling to find the balance between home and family and your business or career, please know that it doesn’t have to be that way! Yes, it can be easier for some more than others, but it can be done.
And, to those of you who are trying to have kids, I’m sending you so much love and positive energy!
p.s. If you are interested, I have an online course called Busy As a Mother: The Work & Life Balance Bootcamp and you can join the waitlist HERE
You will be one of the first to receive an exclusive invitation once the Bootcamp opens.